Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

jest for pun (December’05)

Saturday, December 31st, 2005

December’05 BlogThoughts

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

  • The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. – Peter De Vries
  • The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. – Henry J. Tillman
  • At the end of the game, both the king and the pawn go back into the same box.
  • Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic. – Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) “Science and Scientism”
  • President Bush appeared with Arnold Schwarzenegger at a huge campaign event. Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a president who can barely speak English try to make themselves clear to an audience that’s primarily Spanish. – Jay Leno
  • The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 – 1965)
  • Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. – Bill Cosby
  • Funniest commercials of 2005

    Friday, December 30th, 2005

    Funniest Commercials of the Year – CareerBuilder.com “Monkeys”

    Check the others too…

    message to space competition

    Wednesday, December 28th, 2005

    Sam Dinkin has won the contest held by “The Space Show” for the first message to space. The message could have a maximum length of one page, taking no more than 5 minute to read. His winning entry:

    “We taste terrible.”

    Wikipedia’s List of Neologisms on The Simpsons

    Tuesday, November 1st, 2005

    Without a doubt, Matt Groening’s “The Simpsons” has left an indelible mark on the cultural landscape. Even Homer’s exasperated “D’oh!” has wrangled its way into the “Oxford
    English Dictionary
    .” Now, thanks to the collaborative efforts of Wikipedia’s dedicated editors, there’s an entire list
    of words and phrases coined by Springfield’s most famous residents. From Bart Simpson’s fictitious Scrabble entry “Kwyjibo
    (“a big, dumb, balding North American ape… with no chin”) to Apu’s celebrated Kwik-E-Mart offering, the “Squishee,”
    readers can revel in this ever-growing list of Simpson-ian creativity and inventiveness. Worst.
    Pick. Ever
    ? That’s unpossible.

    Andy Borowitz

    Friday, October 14th, 2005

    Elsewhere, Apple Computer today introduced the first Video IPod, expected to be popular among porn fans with excellent eyesight. – Andy Borowitz

    Wrap up the week with some fun

    Thursday, October 13th, 2005

    Google 2084

    Monday, October 10th, 2005

    Bush

    Tuesday, October 4th, 2005

    Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

    “OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

    His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

    Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

    jest for pun (September’05)

    Friday, September 30th, 2005

    September’05 BlogThoughts

    Every calendar’s days are numbered.

  • Somebody’s Darling
  • American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. – W. Somerset Maugham (1874 – 1965)
  • Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. – Gracie Allen
  • You don’t know a women till you’ve met her in court. – Norman Mailer
  • Gone with the water.
  • Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. – Bill Gates
  • Bill Gates meets Napolean Dynamite.

    Friday, September 16th, 2005

    Bill Gates meets Napolean Dynamite. Microsoft has a history of doing little spoofs at their developer events (a couple years ago Gates and Ballmer did a send up of the GTI commercial and then there was The Matrix). While this one is a shaky camera capture (hopefully someone uploads the original), it’s still pretty amusing and fun to watch Gates poke fun at himself. Of course, the unintended comedy videos involving Gates are often funnier.

    jest for pun (August’05)

    Wednesday, August 31st, 2005

    August’05 BlogThoughts

    Every calendar’s days are numbered.

  • can you hear me now?
  • Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them. – Dion Boucicault
  • jest for pun (July’05)

    Sunday, July 31st, 2005

    July’05 BlogThoughts

    Every calendar’s days are numbered.

  • I am… a mushroom; On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then. – John Ford
  • east or west India is the best
  • Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor’s appointment… – Robert Paul (British Computer Scientist, Humorist)
  • Andy Borowitz: white male shocker

    Thursday, July 21st, 2005

    ROBERTS VOWS TO BE MOST GENERIC WHITE MALE IN HISTORY OF SUPREME COURT by Andy Borowitz

    Bush Praises Nondescript Nominee

    John G. Roberts, President Bush’s nominee to replace Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the United States Supreme Court, made a case for his own nomination today, telling reporters that, if confirmed, he was determined to be “the most generic white male in the history of the Supreme Court.”

    With a beaming President Bush at his side, Judge Roberts said that if he serves on the nation’s highest court, “The nondescript American white male, who is woefully underrepresented in this country at present, will finally have a voice.”

    Judge Roberts summarized the life experiences that had put him in touch with the needs of the generic white male, including a brief period in the early 1980’s when he modeled generic men’s sportswear for K-Mart, as well as a later stint as a downloadable generic white male icon for ClipArt.

    While President Bush praised his nominee for being both “interchangeable” and “unremarkable,” a poll taken just hours after the nomination was announced suggests trouble ahead, with a clear majority of Americans being unable to remember Judge Roberts’ name.

    According to the poll, over fifty percent of those surveyed identified Mr. Bush’s nominee as either “Jim Rogers” or “Bob Roberts,” with over seventy percent confusing him with CBS news anchor John Roberts, yet another prominent generic white male.

    For his part, President Bush appeared unfazed by such numbers, telling reporters at the White House, “I have total confidence in Don Rogers.”

    Elsewhere, over 150,000 women in Great Britain submitted applications to become actor Jude Law’s new nanny.

    jest for pun (June’05)

    Thursday, June 30th, 2005

    June’05 BlogThoughts

    Every calendar’s days are numbered.

  • A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there. – Charles Darwin
  • Never trust a thin chef. – Anonymous
  • The art of photography is to make that which seems unbeautiful, beautiful. -Jennifer Barton
  • To a leg of a heron
    Adding a long shank
    Of a pheasant.
    - Basho
  • games people play
  • or you are an eggnog.
  • Bawdy limericks are vocal graffiti – Judith Economos
  • huh?

    Friday, June 10th, 2005

    Does anyone really know what they’re doing? At Huh Corp, not only are they clueless about business, they come out and say so. This parody site riffs on corporate America’s obsession with nonsensical buzz words by giving visitors a fake consulting company that dares to tell the truth. Huh Corp’s strategy: “Convince clients that we do stuff they can’t do themselves.” Their philosophy on customer service: “Client satisfaction is always our first priority. Well…actually…maybe something like third or fourth.” But wait, what do you get for your money? “Snazzy binders that look nice on big, round meeting tables.” Granted, we don’t know much about “global awareness paradigms,” but that sounds like a good deal to us

    ceo

    Sunday, June 5th, 2005

    (This one got to me.)

    A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”

    A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $300.00 a week. Why?”

    The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!” Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

    With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

    jest for pun (May’05)

    Tuesday, May 31st, 2005

    May’05 BlogThoughts
    (more…)

    lessons from history

    Wednesday, May 25th, 2005

    Grocery Store Wars

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005

    Enjoy heh heh heh…

    42 Below Vodka

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005

    Aussie/NZ satire at so many levels.

    Corporate Statement of the Week

    Tuesday, May 10th, 2005

    Huh Corp: We Do Stuff.